Alot of times i find myself so empty and lonely inside, wishing i had someone to completely confide in. My minds consumed with so many thoughts exploding inside of my head, so i find myself escaping by writing. Whenever i feel as if I've met someone that i can feel comfortable enough to share my thoughts with ,they turn on me, i've lost trust in everyone i know at least once. Most of the time they don't even realize how much damage they've caused me from what they've done, trust is so huge on me and when someone abuses it like that, i can never feel the same about that person even if i wanted to, but people just seriously dont give a damn about what they do. Sometimes i wonder if you can ever really trust anyone. It seems as if everyones so corrupted now a days only caring about things that involve themselves. Whenever i open up myself and let people into my life it always gets shoved back into my face, and when i finally get over it and open myself up to someone else , it's the same vicious cycle all over again, it's like why do i even try? Honestly, i wish i didn't care but i do, so much. I'm always yearning and trying to find people with the same mindset as me, someone i can just fall back on, someone who isn't afraid to share their thoughts, theories to life, ideas, and dreams with me because they know i'm there with open arms and won't judge them for their beliefs. I'm tired of trying to guess how people feel, i want to be around people with mutual feelings as me, someone i can completely set my soul free and connect to. I want to be around people who can just be open and upfront with me, it seems as if everyones always afraid to be truthful because they're afraid that the other persons going to be mad or hurt. I can handle it no matter what it is, the only thing that hurts me the most is the lack of truthfulness, usually it doesn't even matter what it was about, i can handle it as long as it's the " truth ". Just tell me like it is.Who cares about what people think, be honest to yourself and say what you want to say, don't just say things because its what people want to hear, by doing that your just being dishonest to yourself. I can't even tell you how many people have betrayed me, i've been through so much hurt and bullshit throughout the years. The fact that the people i've had a choice to choose to be apart of my life have turned on me as well, just kills me. If i could just have one person who knew exactly how i felt without even saying a word, i'd be complete. I want someone who will make me feel safe around to share all of my thoughts with, someone who will really listen to everything i have to say and share everything with, someone i can be one with, someone who can respect me, someone who will treat me as well as i treat them, i'm tired of holding back my feelings, why do i have to hinder how i feel? it all feels heavy on my heart. when am i going to find someone who sees more than me?when am i going to find someone who actually cares enough to look at me and see more than just what i appear to be? i want someone who will know me better than i know myself. I just want to be around people who can make my soul glow with beauty and happiness. I'm done being around those that try to bullshit me, lie to my heart, those that shut my mouth before i can speak, stress me out, hurt me/ make me cry, those that pretend to care, but when it all comes down to it they can't even be found. This is just an ugly world where souls are lost full of corruption and lies, i just want to be around those with beautiful hearts and genuine minds that have the same oppinion as me that i've written out here. I have so much more thats on my mind, but if i was writing this about all of my thoughts, this would never end.
